


Baby Carrot Stick & Art

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Art, Crack, M/M, Masturbation, and surprise! It’s not Daryl’s, art being used wisely, dildo, tiny dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: When Rick decides he’s at wits’ end he decides to have Jadis make him something. She’s an artist after all.
Relationships: Negan/Rick Grimes
Kudos: 17





	Baby Carrot Stick & Art

**Author's Note:**

> Just total crack, not my funniest but it will do.

“I do it. For a fee.” Jadis looked at Rick unimpressed.

Her stoic face never changed as he greeted her, while he made his request, or afterwards. It was as if they were having a civil conversation and there were no walkers in existence or such a bold request.

“Thanks Jadis, it’s umm...not something I would ask of just anyone. I…”

“A fee you give me.” She cut him off.

Damn, he thought it would be easy. Especially after giving her some silver paint and yarn just because or rather to butter her up.

“What would that be?”

His request for confidentiality forgotten, Rick ran his fingers through his sweaty curls and waited for her to ask something he couldn’t give her.

“You drop your pants, show me small baby trouser snake now.”

Rick roled his eyes, she had asked him for sex before and he felt a bit violated by the demand.

“I’m not going to sleep with you Jadis!” His voice came out high pitched and scandalized and he would admit a little...gay.

“No you, me. Nasty boy. Me paint picture.”

Rick looked around, a few heapsters walked by but no one lingered around.

“Nothing leaves this place. No one will mention your small pickle or request.” Jadis was monotone as she walked to her canvas which just happened to be already sitting on a easel.

Rick dropped his pants and fought the urge to hide his dick, this was a nightmare.  
——————————————————————  
The painting didn’t take half as long as he thought it would but it was very weird. The colors a heavy flow of purples, greens, and yellows but he could see his face and his dick. Hell, it was better than he could have done.

“So Jadis, this has to stay between us. My group trusts me and things like this aren’t appropriate to get out. It’s not something I could ask of just anyone and…”

“Shshh baby carrot.” Jadis looked down at his crotch and even though he was now dressed he blushed and cupped himself like he could erase what she already saw.

“You go back to nice home and give me two and half weeks. Item will be done then and perfection.”

Rick started to doubt that after seeing his portrait. The cat he stole for Michoonee looked much better but he was conflicted.

“If it’s not right or dangerous.”

Jadis laughed, “What small on one end not usually the rest. You wait. It will be done and perfect, other side be big enough. Go now.”

Rick was practically tossed out the door but he went willingly.  
——————————————————————  
It was a little over two weeks later and Rick paced outside the dumpster kingdom. Michonne would ask why he wanted to be alone with Jadis. She couldn't really be trusted and damn, if she let it out Rick would be mortified but he would know then. That she could definitely not be trusted.

Gabriel got his ass squeezed by Jadis and they bartered a few items. Rick flushed as he thought about what she had somewhere in this trash dump. Everyone chatted and he pulled his collar away from his neck trying to act normal.

“Rick are you okay?” Michonne touched his reddened cheeks and he pulled away.

“Yeah Michonne, just hate this summer heat.” he lied.

“You, me. Private time.” Jadis interrupted him.

Michonne cut her eyes at Jadis and walked towards her about to speak.

“Michonne it’s okay.”

The dumpster Queen smirked as she turned with Rick. He followed behind like a shy puppy, his legs almost jiggling with anticipation. A box was shoved in his hands and he dared not jiggle it, fearful it would make a sound.

“You inspect it.”

“No, I trust you Jadis. Thank you for this and your confidentiality.”

“Welcome.” 

Jadis pushed him back outside, he stumbled. The box didn't rumble and he was relieved for that. Gabriel and Michonne looked down at the box and he turned his head to avoid their gazes.

“Let’s go.”

A parting ass slap to Gabriel’s rear end from Jadis and they all got in the car.

“What is it?” 

Michonne looked at the box which was rather large. 

“A gift.” Rick stammered.

“Well then let's see what it is.” Michonne tried to grab the box but Rick yanked in back harshly.

“No. I’m not sure what it is or if I trust her. I should open it alone.”

Michonne skeptically looked at him but let it go. Thank God.  
—————————————————————  
Rick ran home and hid the box about ten times, each spot seemed more stupid than the rest before he put it in his first hidding spot again and left the house.

The day was too long, the burden of his secret burned into his skull with worry. What if Judtih got into it? Well that was stupid, Olivia kept her downstaris. What if Carl decided to snoop around and found it? Highly unlikely. Michonne never went into his room but what if she needed ammo? Well she only kept a small handgun with her and he didn't have ammo for that. Still, the whole day he worried as his loin turned dense within his pants.

Rick practically ran to his room at the end of his guard shift, he was stinky but didn't worry about showering as he opened the box. It was beautiful and glossy, choosing red paint and yellow flowers to wrap around it was a weird choice but it was Jadis’ creation. He saliviated at the thought of what he would do with it when the door knocked. Damn it!

“Hey man, you’re up right?”

Rick forced himself not to scream at Daryl as he hid the box and went to the door grumpily. 

“What do you need?”

“We need to talk, you okay man?”

Rick was fucking not okay, not one bit but he grinned to assure his friend unaware he looked manic, like a cat high on cat nip.

“Yeah sure.” Rick swallowed and let it go.  
—————————————————————  
Rick lied, he had to. Otherwise it would never happen. That morning he ordered Olivia to watch Judtih as her house and told Carl to stay and Enid‘s. Nevermind the repercussions of that. He locked the door which he never did, only he had a key. Running up the stairs two at a time he landed at the top and almost tripped at his door.

He locked the door and closed the blinds before looking out of them and he swallowed thickly. Grabbing the large bottle of lube he found well over a month ago he threw it on the bed and unbuckled his britches. His dick was hard and straining, it leaked against his belly as he took his shirt off and ran to the box.

He would kiss the glorious piece of art if he wasn’t so rushed. It was beautiful and maybe once he was done and cleaned it well he would marvel at its actual beauty but he had a job to do. Lubing up his hole he pressed his fingers in deeper and deeper, adding more slick until he could fit his whole hand inside.

Drool ran down his mouth and he couldn't help it, he pushed the ceramic creation into his mouth and moaned, getting it wet and hot. It was glossy and he groaned as he lubed it up thickly. Rick still couldn't believe he asked Jadis to make him a damn dildo but he had tried so hard to find one. It was like everyone turned a famished sex fiend when the world ended, not one sex store had a dildo unless you iked the floppy jelly ones and Rick certainly did not.

The head of it was just right, bigger than the rest and it popped into his tight rim and stretched him out. Pushing it out he dripped as his hole expanded, he started a series of thrusts. It had been too long and he panted while he loosened up. The head slipped in and out, his hands sliding against his slick had him turning wild.

His dick gushed like it hadn’t in ages and he let out a filthy moan and the toy slid in further against his walls. Rick lost it and pushed it greedily in and out, not worrying about taking it slow. It rubbed him just right, the glossiness of it sliding easily with the lube and Rick saw stars. 

Whimpering as he pulled it out Rick pulled a pillow to the center of the bed and put the dildo on it and rode it, his dick bouncing up and down. His dick leaked and he shuddered as he rubbed down his shaft and bared down, shoving the toy in further. It was indeed perfection, exactly the eight inches he requested and he almost wished it was longer, though he could make it go all the way in him and he didnt’ care if he ever found it.

“Ricky!”

Rick bit his lip as he tried to get up quickly though he was already wobbly from his excursion. He hadn’t heard Negan somehow get into his house or up his stairs and he rushed to cover himself up when Negan pushed against his door.

Rick gasped at what he heard.

Negan stood there with the door wide open, the man didn't’ even have to push against the door hard and it opened.

“Umm.” Rick gulped.

“Well shit Rick! This is what you do? Tell your people you are sick so you can play with yourself?” Negan laughed.

“Oh man!” The leather clad man leaned back.

Rick blushed and didn't try to hide as Negan walked around the bed to his backside and got a view of the toy nested only halfway in his ass now.

“Whew! You are gonna have to show me how long that thing actually is darling. I might have to get me one made for the wifies or another for you. Just hot damn!”

Rick blushed. “I…”

No excuses could come out, there was nothing he could say.”

“Well come on my feisty little kitten. I heard it’s a masterpiece, one worthy of a glass case as well as Rick’s nice ass.”

Rick hollered at a slap to his ass. 

“Well bubble butt let me see.”

Rick blushed and tried to cover up but Negan gripped the sheet firmly. 

“I’m waiting.” Negan asked, that air of finality sinking in.

Hesitantly and making himself not react, Rick pulled out the toy.

“Well hot damn! It is pretty! Some nice little flowers painted on it. Ain’t that some nice, peaceful shit during the end of the world? And an A plus Rick, good to know you cleaned yourself out well. There is no actual Shit on it!” Negan emphasized the word shit.

“Thinking of me while you did the dirty deed?” Negan humped the air and licked his lips, his eyes looking down at Rick with a lingering, flirty gaze.

“I wouldn't...” Rick mumbled.

It was a damn lie because Rick had been thinking of Negan explicitly as he worked himself through. Negan leaned back and laughed as if he knew the truth.

“Don’t worry. Unlike that little bitch Jadis, I can keep a secret between us.”

‘What secret?’ Rick thought just as Negan kissed the corner of his lips.

It was slow and seductive, Negan’s soft brown eyes raked down his body then looked at him hard as if accessing him like an actual human being.

“I know you like me Ricky, you needed to rub one out right here, right now or it was going to kill you right? Hope I was packing big just like reality in your little fantasy darling!” Negan patted his own dick then rubbed Rick’s neck before walking away from the bed.

“Come on, hide that thing! It looks real nice but little Judith can’t see that nasty shit!”

Rick refused to look at Negan, the man stared at him as he hid his toy after washing it, promising to look at it’s actual creative design later. He dressed himself quickly and made the bed look neater just in case.

“Next time lock your room Rick. I picked the front door but damn! That was an eyeful most wouldn't want to see. You would give poor Olivia a heart attack.”

Rick followed behind Negan and listened to his ramble.

“And for fucks sake! Your whole family probably knows now because Jadis can’t keep a secret. I mean fuck! You were thinking with your downstairs brain there Ricky.” Negan winked at him.

Rick blushed and refused to believe Jadis told his loved ones he asked her to make him a damn dildo.

“Just shit! I mean that thing is pretty but we need to look at it closer after I take my half. I mean if there’s a knick in that thing you could have a nasty tear and you have no doctor.”

‘Thanks to you.’ He thought but didn’t dare say.

Rick gritted his teeth, Negan’s mouth was too much. He loved it but hated when it spoke.

“That would be some bad shit to explain but everyone knows by now.”

That was it! Rick was going to lose it and he didn't care if he died by Lucille. Negan needed to shut up and he was going to tell him that but Negan ran to the front door then and opened it and there was a couple walking down their sidewalk. He couldn’t speak out now.

“I’ll shut up now.” Negan said as he stepped down the stoop.

‘Thank God.’ When Negan said he would shut up he usually did.

“Daryl my second main man!” Negan bellowed and waved at his ex prisoner who just walked up.

Somehow when Negan saw Daryl back at Alexandria he didn't say a thing and sure, he still took things but he had been taking less and was actually giving them much needed suppies. It was weird.

“Jadis may like to talk Ricky but it’s always the damn truth. That is one sad little baby carrot between your legs but I think I can fucking work with it.” Negan whispered low and sultry in his ear.

Negan laughed and ran towards Daryl chatting his ear off instead.

Yeah, Negan usually shut up when he said he would but evidently not today. Rick squeezed his legs together and gritted his teeth in frustration.

He was damn hard just from Negan whispering in his ear. Maybe tonight the two of them could inspect that dildo together.


End file.
